America’s Spike TV’s massively famous reality TV show, ‘Ink Master’ has completed 10 seasons so far, and is the biggest commercial success of tattoo entertainment, in recent years. Hosted by ex RHCP guitarist, Dave Navarro (who should have probably just stuck to music), and with esteemed judges in the form of veteran tattooers, Chris Nunez and Oliver Peck, Ink Master is a typical reality TV format show, where a bunch 0f artists compete with each other over a set of challenges (not all tattoo related) over weekly episodes to ultimately determine the ultimate Ink Master of the season. OR IN OTHER WORDS, YA’LL KNOW HOW THAT GOES.
Dedicated viewers of the show have always wondered how the show’s host, Darling Dave, miiiiiiiiight not have much clue about tattoo technicals, and how superficial fights between the contestants take away from the primary attraction of the show, tattoos. Well, YouTube channel, Grunge has broken down the myth that is Ink Master in the following video, literally tearing it down to its naked bits.
This video is TOP. But this is not really the finest spectacle of critique the show and its red hot host, Dave Navarro have received. My personal favourite and my current bible of tattooing entertainment is this piece of literature that is an Instagram handle, @snakenavarro. Here are a few verses from our Bible of Tat-truth.
As it is written in the scripture of the new testament bible of tatting “knoweth when to bold thyne lines , for the lines of bold will holdeth through time” —tatlatians 69:3 — Have you ever wondered why your tattoos look as weak as whitney houstons wrists ? Maybe you think that those crispy razor lines will carry through until time ends ? What if they dont ? What if those cat scratches you call lines evaporate entirely and the hot pink is free to fade and move as it pleases ? Snake navarro is here to answer these questions. Lets say a walk in comes in and wants a cross behind her ear , instead of grabbing a 5 liner bump the edge up on this tat and grab a 18 round . While your doing that grab a lighter because your about to bump up the pixel size on this scab spear . Burn that solder until the needles looks like an old broom. Put it in a mag tube and turn it up until the spark on your chattering front spring looks like iron mans chest . Make sure you sink it until it sound like your tattooing a tarp. You should be seeing all these little spider vains fill with ink and spread like the roots of your tat career. If you do the line right it should shade around the cross at the same time for the clean drop shadow. When your done provide no hand mirror so she has to figure how to look at the back of her own head in real time. Your welcome. -snake navarro #snakenavarro
“If thyne tats do not feel like razors dipped in thyne fire of hell , thou is not tatting” blowoutlatians 3:56 . Do it hurt ??? … it do . If it doesnt feel like a fire axe made of a thousand smaller tinnier fire axes unraveling your dna when get tattooed , your not getting tattooed right . If you cant wear your flannel the next day because the mere presence of the soft material feels like your arm is being dipped into a roger rabbit barrel or acid. Your probably going to need a touch up, because your tats going to fall out. Maybe your a tough guy , you got the same haircut as hulk hogan and tell your tatter that “you will probably go to sleep” while getting tattooed. Starting off a tattoo expierence being a fucking liar is a good way to summon me directly to fuck your tat up. When your tattooing your clients and they are calmly talking to you while its happening. Your either using a vape pen for a tattoo machine or your acting like a pussy and letting the machine do the work you should be doing by pressing down harder. But snakes ! How can i be traddio daddio if tats dont hurt me ?!!!!! If when you get tattooed it doesnt make you quit tattooing for 2 days and go skip rocks by a lake to rethink your life because it hurt so bad . You cant be , you cant be a real tattooer . Turn your flannel and bandana in , were selling your machines for just a little more than you bought them , low hours , un fucked with. And if your friends dont wrap medical tape around your whole life after you get tattooed . They arent really your friend. A real friend want you to suffer a few more hours tip toeing in your bathroom trying to rip the tape off without ripping the tape off. Do it hurt? Yes . It do. -snake navarro #snakenavarro
For those who might be slightly confused about the relatability of this handle with critique of Dave Navarro, you need to see a few episodes of the famed Ink Master, my friend. For those who seek the light of the true Navarro, tap that damn follow button, and bask in his holy light.